Wasted Reprise, Pearl Jam, Pearl Jam (9)

Online dating, version 2.1

My next foray into online dating came at the beginning of 2012 - new year, new you, new stories. This time Carly helped me set up my profile, and I thought it came out pretty good. I mean, I would want to date me if I were a guy...I like sports, beer and fast cars. What else could you want? Unlike others who spend a bit of time getting to know the person through email first, I wanted to just meet the person and see right away if we liked each other. That's the point of being on these sites, right? Besides, it's harder for someone to hide the crazy in person. I met a few interesting characters; I'll tell you about the Gunman and Adrian.

I met the Gunman on OKCupid. He appeared to be a normal-ish person. Except for the fact that there were guns in almost every picture he had on his profile. I hadn't noticed really; isn't that a manly thing? TK didn't think so and wanted to know when I got home to make sure he didn't kill me. Because Brady's in Ramsey is known for letting men bring in their shotguns...

So I meet him at Brady's on a Tuesday night. And of course I know within 2 minutes that this is not going to be the love of my life. But I'm here, he's buying me Bud Light and so I stay. The conversation comes around to marital status, and he says something along the lines of "well, you've never been married, right?" I correct him, yes, I was, but I have been divorced for a number of years. He says, "I don't remember that being on your profile." Um, yes, it was. And by the way Gunman, how long have you been divorced?

Gunman: You want the truth?
Me: Yes (?)
Gunman: Since Thursday.

I ask him where in Ramsey he lives. He had mentioned it was close to Brady's when he texted me to ask if it was OK to meet at Brady's instead of the Mahwah Bar & Grill. Yes, he lives walking distance from Brady's...

Gunman: Yeah, I was glad you said you were OK with coming here instead. I didn't want to have a few beers and then have to drive through Mahwah - the cops in Mahwah are crazy.
Me: <Speechless>

Let me get this straight. You wouldn't come to Mahwah for fear of being pulled over after having a few drinks, but you were OK with ME driving to Ramsey with the possibility of ME being pulled over after a few beers. What a gentleman! For the remainder of the time (I know - you can't even believe I'm still sitting there with him), I just entertained myself. An example of one of the last things we discussed:

Me: So what do you do you do when you aren't watching the Devils or shooting things?
Gunman: I don't shoot things - I go hunting and target shooting.
Me: Right - shooting things...

Then I met Adrian. Adrian was a 38 year old widow from Ho Ho Kus. We knew some of the same people, he liked Pearl Jam (but preferred Nirvana) and was a really sweet guy. We went out a few times, and after the third date, he came back to my house. To play me Pearl Jam songs on his guitar that he had learned so he could play them for me. Like I said - sweet. That same night, he told me how nice it was to meet me, that I wasn't like the other crazy girls he had met so far, he really enjoyed spending time with me. He left and we said we would see each other again soon.

A few days later, Eddie Vedder announced a mini-tour which included shows in Florida but not NJ. Since Adrian and I had discussed my "love" of Florida among other topics, I texted him about the tour and how it would make being in Florida better (since I would be there for work at the time). He texted me back - yes, maybe I needed a friend to go along.

And then I never heard from him again.

Bugs, Pearl Jam, Vs. (8)

Online Dating, version 2.0

What’s in a Name? An adventure in screen names…

Silvertongueman

Daffydaffyduck

Bigdawgee

Mikeymouse64

Whenuwish2

Therugman

Turbotony

Scrumptiousman

Jimmyknowsaguy

Straycat2861

Goes_to_eleven

Turboboost74

UrBlackWarrior

Melodic_espresso

Sanekindnormal

Nurserycryme

69whatyouneeeed

Darth_hippie

Multicolorbeast

MrPickles4U

AllThatAndChips

Jizzer4you

Spongeworthy01

EnoughBS

 
And my favorite tag line: Life is a zoo, in a jungle, so do you want to get into my cage?

Better Man, Pearl Jam, Vitalogy (7)

Kowal, The Return!

 A little history. Mark and I were engaged to be married way back when. We had known each other in high school, but had never dated. When I returned from college, I was staying at my grandmother's in NJ so that I wouldn't have to live in Middletown, NY. It was a challenge living with my grandmother to say the least and Mark was one of my few friends who had his own place. We started spending a lot of time together and one thing lead to another - fast forward four years and it's my 25th birthday and we get engaged. With 6 weeks to go, I called off the wedding, moved back home. Mark ended up marrying a girl who not only was supposed to be one of my bridesmaids had we gotten married, but also was his best friend's ex-girlfriend.

(Full disclosure: she died a year after they had a daughter, Mary Grace, as a result of having a child when she was not in good enough health to do so - she had cystic fibrosis.)

So now here we are in the summer of 2009, and Facebook is starting to bring out all of the people from your past that you haven't kept in touch with, and I get a friend request from Mark. And that's how 14 years after our engagement ended Mark and I ended up having a drink on a weeknight in June. We continued to stay in touch. In August, we even met in Tampa for a night and went to a Rays game. And while I shouldn't complain too much (we did at least sleep in the same bed), we did not hook up and he went back to Boca and I went back to Orlando (for work, of course). 

About 2 months later, he invited me down to visit him. He sweetened the deal by getting tickets to the Colts at Dolphins game and so I found myself flying down to Florida, voluntarily, to visit Mark, meet his daughter, and see Peyton kick some Dolphin ass. Once again, we did not hook up, and by day three I was wondering WTF I was doing in Florida. So I asked. Perhaps I should have asked earlier in the day, when Mark hadn't had quite as many Bud Lights as he had, but I've never really been a patient person, nor am I someone who can hide their emotions. He knew I was annoyed, he asked, and so I asked back.

Suffice it to say, he wanted us to be friends like we had said we would always be - back in 1987. I said we could be friends with me in NJ - I didn't have to come to Florida for that. The weekend ended, we stayed in touch, and because I am a glutton for punishment, I invited him to be my date to my sister's wedding in June 2010.

I am not one to boast about myself, but I LOOKED FUCKING HOT at the wedding. Hair, makeup, dress, everything. Do you think Mark danced with me? No. Do you think we hooked up even though he stayed over at my house that night? NO. NO. NO.

I made a decision that next morning. There was no future for me and Mark, other than the friends he said we promised to be back in the 80s. And like Carrie on SITC, I had to wonder: does no one have random sex anymore? 

 

 

  

 

Life Wasted, Pearl Jam, Pearl Jam (6)

eHarmony/Match/Chemistry/OKCupid/PlentyofFish/Seriously????

So for years, literally in some cases, my so called friends were telling me to get into (onto?) the online dating scene.  I mean, why not?  Look at all the happy couples who met on these sites!  And I mean look at them on TV because I haven’t met many, or any.  But I figured it’s 2009, the internet is the thing these days, and as my sister would say, how’s the way you’re doing it now working for ya?

The first big decision was to choose which site to go on since each apparently has its own personality.  eHarmony is the serious site – where you go to find “the one,” or at least “the one for right now.”  Match is the hook-up site; Chemistry somewhere in-between the two.  OK Cupid and Plenty of Fish are for the people who don’t want to pay anything to find love, and/or want to find someone a little (read: a lot) out of the ordinary.  I choose to start on Chemistry – not too serious, but not just for flings.  Now to come up with my profile.

I enlisted my friend Renee to help me set up my profile, because you really can’t write about yourself.  If it were up to me, I probably would have written something that would scare away even the most courageous of suitors.  And since Renee was one of the people who thought this would be a good experience, I made her work for it.  So we met for coffee with my laptop at the Barnes & Noble and started to describe me and the qualities that I was looking for in a date – neither of which is an easy task.  Close to 2 hours later, we were done and ready to send this out into the Chemistry world to find my guy!

Well, yeah, that didn’t work out exactly as I had planned.  Most of the men the site was suggesting for me were older (like, OLDER older) or geographically undesirable, and I wasn’t able to look through the profiles.  But I didn’t give up hope!  Instead I signed up for the other two sites!  That’s right.  For three months I was on all of the “Big 3, “ really getting myself out there…

So here’s what happened with eHarmony - you know, the one where it's about your soul mate, not looks. I started corresponding with a guy from the Butler area. If you have been lucky enough to not have to do this, then I'll tell you...this is an exhausting process. First you get basic information about the person and if you decide you want to find out more, you ask a series of questions, send them to the person, they answer and can request others, etc. After a few rounds of this, you can graduate to emailing within eHarmony - so still no direct contact. Assuming you still like each other after that, you can then decide to exchange real emails and I guess get married and live happily ever after.

Well, this guy and I, let's call him Toby (only because Toby Keith is on the radio as I'm typing...and I can't remember his real name), made it through to the real email stage. And he sends me an email, "we made it to this stage, blah blah blah...how tall are you, what color hair do you have, how much do you weigh?"

Wait, what? I thought this was the site where it's all about who you are inside? Where it's not about looks! Or what color your hair is! And besides - I had pictures posted on the site! What in the world?

But I figure that eHarmony knows what I don't - remember all the happy couples from TV! So I respond to his email, and answer all of his questions except my weight. And he writes back...and says:

I notice you didn't answer how much you weigh.

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