It began innocently enough. Girl walks dog - boy pets dog - girl leaves note on boy's car - boy calls - boy disappears for 7 months.
But let's not jump so far ahead. True, I did meet Chris (hereafter referred to as Larry, and yes there's a reason and no, I can't tell you) while walking Evie. And I may have slightly stalked him to get the chance to meet him and say hello and find out his name. But short of actually stalking him, by waiting outside his work for him to leave at night, I decided to pull a Marchese and leave him a note on his car with my phone number and an invite to call if he was interested in going out for a drink sometime. And he called, so we went on date #1.
It went really well. He picked me up; we had dinner; we drank beer; we had decent conversation. All in all good as far as any dates I had previously gone on with anyone. We began an odd schedule of going out once every six to eight weeks, which seemed a bit extreme, even in light of the fact that he said he wasn't looking for anything serious. Dinner, movies, hikes WITH MY DOG when he brought a bowl for her to have water - all seemed to be going OK other than the extended time between dates. We would still see each other occasionally in the neighborhood, and he always acted normal, as in that it wasn't odd that we hadn't gone out in a month.
November rolls around and we go to the movies and a late dinner on a Saturday night. He drops me off, and as is my nature, I ask if we will be going out any time soon, like before the end of the year. He laughs along and agrees that it won't be before Thanksgiving (that would be less than 2 weeks!), but that yes, before the end of the year.
And then I didn't hear from him again for 7 months. Oddly, as you will learn, one of the reasons that Darrele and I tossed around as a remote possibility for not hearing from him was that we hadn't hooked up at all. But since we had only seen each other 4 or 5 times within 6 months, we agreed that would be ridiculous. How right we were. And that ends Dating Larry - Phase 1.
So now it's May, almost one year after our first date. Larry posts on his FB that he has won tickets to the NASCAR race at Talladega and who wants to go. So of course I write me! At this time, I was in the first week of AICS hell in Orlando. After a few Bud Lights, it seemed like a good idea to text him that I wasn't kidding - I really wanted to go. He called me; we chatted; he said we should get together when I am back in town.
I return to NJ over Memorial Day weekend, and I text him that I am back and to let me know when he's available to do something. He calls me right away and invites me to his friend's party in Wyckoff; he even tells me I can BRING MY DOG if i want as the backyard is fenced in for the pool, etc. It's a billion degrees though so I leave Evie home and head off to the party with people I have never met and the guy I hadn't heard from in 7 months. That's normal, right?
This begins Dating Larry - Phase 2. We go out to dinner and movies, talk and text while I'm traveling, although it's not without some bumps. For example, I won't hear from him for days at a time. He doesn't always text or call me back for days. We are a few months into the relationship when he asks me, "How do you feel about premarital sex?" At this point, we have held hands and kissed. I had chalked this up to the fact that I was traveling a lot so even though it had been a few months, I had been gone for a good chunk of time. So when he asked me this, I had to think about what in the world was he really asking...because he didn't really think I had only had sex with my husband, right? My answer: Well, I guess since I have had it, I'd have to say I'm for it.
Turns out, Larry would like to get to know me more - what's in my heart and my head (with hand gestures, in case I was a visual learner, I suppose) - before we get too involved physically. He doesn't want to just jump into bed like people do. Um, OK. We continue dating, and I see the trip to Alabama looming in the future, but first we go to the Toby Keith concert. For non-country music fans, Toby Keith sings the song Red Solo Cup, which like most country songs, is about drinking, specifically from the red solo cups that are used at all parties. We're talking, waiting for the venue to open, and I mention something along the lines of looking forward to an ice cold beer. Larry informs me he will not be drinking...at a country concert...of the guy who sings red solo cup.
Now, up until this time, I have noticed that Larry doesn't drink a lot, and hey, that's OK (?), but he's never said he wasn't drinking at all. So this strikes me as odd. I ask why. And he says, "I do that." Meaning? "Well, that I'll not do things I like to do - I think it builds character." My response is somewhere along the lines of: why in the world would you not do something you want to do, assuming it's not dangerous to you or others around you? I don't do that. If I want to do something, I do it. He proceeds to not drink; I proceed to drink 2 Bud Lights in quick succession and then trip going UP stairs. Great - now he's going to think I'm drunk. If you know me, you know that this is laughable after 2 Bud Lights (especially during training season).
Two weeks later, we are on our way to Alabama, but not before he has quit his job without having another one lined up. This doesn't really concern me since I am not responsible for him in any way. If he can not work and stay in his moldy apartment that he has been in for over 20 years, suit yourself. We still have done nothing more than kiss, and I have not brought it up, thinking that we will be away on a trip together, in a hotel room, and that will be the time! Darr agrees - it would be weird now, so the change in venue will be the ticket! Alabama - who knew it was for lovers?
Apparently no one, since we slept in separate beds and didn't hook up...at all. Larry also decided that even though we were at Talladega, in Alabama, with free food and drinks, he was going to drink water and eat apples. I, on the other hand, did my best impression of a redneck from Bergen County and drank as much Bud Light as I could without falling, up or down stairs. At one point, I considered ditching Larry and hanging out with this bunch of four guys because they were clearly having fun. Alas, I did not - not even when, after I grabbed an extra Bud Light for the bus ride back to the hotel, Larry asked me, "Are you sure you want that?" Or when we woke up on Monday and Larry was convinced that he was sick from the peanut M&Ms and proceeded to throw out the whole bag. Odd, Larry - I'm the one who was drinking and feel fine!!
When we got back to NJ, I decided it was time to have a talk with Larry and ask him WTF was the deal. We had been dating for about four months and there was still no sign of moving past holding hands. I also didn't want to go out with someone who was going to monitor my beer intake at a NASCAR race - if you can't drink there, where can you? It was then that I learned that Larry had no intention of having an intimate relationship with me, which included spending the night at my place or me at his, until we were married. I'll give you a moment to re-read that last sentence...............OK, and we're back.
I tell Larry I respect his position (in my mind, I was screaming - ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME DUDE?), but that this is not how adult relationships progress and maybe I am not the right person for him. But, I do agree to consider what he has said and will let him know when we need to talk again. We continue on as we were, and I poll everyone and their sister about what to do about this, this being the most chaste relationship I have had since 6th grade (Note: my mom says it was probably earlier than that, but I'm sticking with the 6th grade story). Oddly enough, one of my friends had a similar issue with the guy who is now her husband, and her advice: ask him if his timeline is negotiable. Which I do. And he says YES.
So we continue to go to dinner and movies, hold hands, kiss goodnight, and...oh, wait - we STILL don't do anything more. That's right. Unless you count holding hands at the movies as progression. Which I don't. We make it through Thanksgiving. He and his sister even come to my sister's for Thanksgiving dinner.
We go out to dinner one night and I decide that I am going to address the fact that the picture on his 1970s flip phone is of the daughter of his ex-girlfriend. The conversation goes something like this:
Me: So who is the picture of on your phone? (knowing full well who it is...)
Larry: Jordan
Me: Who's Jordan? (knowing full well who it is...)
Larry: Julie's daughter
Me: Who's Julie (knowing full well who it is...)
Larry: My ex
Me: Why do you have a picture of your ex's kid on your phone?
Larry: She took the picture and put it on there and I just never changed it
Me:Hmmm, yes, you've mentioned that you keep in touch with them on a regular basis - how often?
Larry: Weekly
Me: (no words, just a look that I am sure made him say...)
Larry: Or monthly
I want to enjoy my dinner so I drop it and try to enjoy the rest of the night. When we get back to his place, he kisses me goodnight, gets out of the car and that's that...at 10:00pm...on a Friday night.
And then I decide I just can't keep working at this. There's no payoff! Where's the passion? Where's ANYTHING? I break up with him that Tuesday night when we were planning on going to the movies:
Me: Larry, I don't think this is going to work out
Larry: OK
Me: You're very nice and we have a good time, but it's just not going to work long term.
Larry: OK. So no movie tonight then?
And he leaves. He sends me a FB message the next day, which doesn't make too much sense to me. I ask friends for help with the translation. Here is what TK was able to provide:
There is no "landscaper" translation that I could find. The closest is Chinese, traditional Taiwanese. Hope this helps. 早晨好。 我要求您仍然來到晚餐下星期二也許是錯誤的。 您從出席被放棄。 希望通 常收到你的來信。 我意志facebook和文本您，也是。
But, have we heard the last from Larry?
No comments:
Post a Comment